relationship

Deep In My Soul I Know That I’m Your Destiny

Illustrations from Puuung.

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Happiness [is] only real when shared. (Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild)

I look at you and a sense of wonder takes me. (Homer, translated by Robert Fagles)

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What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary. (George Bailey, It’s A Wonderful Life)

He was my North, my South, my East and West, my working week and my Sunday rest. (W.H. Auden, Stop All the Clocks)

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It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight.” (Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita)

I have a million things to talk to you about. All I want in this world is you. I want to see you and talk. I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning.  (Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood)

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Because when I look at you, I can feel it. And I look at you and I’m home. (Dory, Finding Nemo)

Deep in my soul I know that I’m your destiny. (Mulan, Mulan)

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We would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed together with the windows open and the stars bright. (Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast)

If you’re a bird, I’m a bird. (Noah, The Notebook)

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I wish I’d done everything on earth with you. (Daisy, The Great Gatsby)

But the heart’s not like a box that gets filled up. It expands in size the more you love. (Samantha, Her)

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You will never age for me, nor fade, nor die. (Will, Shakespeare in Love)

I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. (Harry Burns, When Harry Met Sally)

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Relationship Update

Don’t call me the boy/girl who cried wolf but I just wanted to tell you that my boyfriend is going to nursery school!

On another note, just as I posted my Miss Independent post, The Cut published a wonderful piece called 25 Famous Women on Being Alone. You can check out the full article HERE or just read my favourites below:

(Illustrations by Mitsuie Yusaku)

People sometimes seem surprised when I say this, because I’m a pretty friendly person. This is one of the greatest misconceptions about introversion. We are not anti-social; we’re differently social. I can’t live without my family and close friends, but I also crave solitude. I feel incredibly lucky that my work as a writer affords me hours a day alone with my laptop. I also have a lot of other introvert characteristics, like thinking before I speak, disliking conflict, and concentrating easily … introversion is my greatest strength. I have such a strong inner life that I’m never bored and only occasionally lonely. No matter what mayhem is happening around me, I know I can always turn inward. In our culture, snails are not considered valiant animals — we are constantly exhorting people to ‘come out of their shells’ — but there’s a lot to be said for taking your home with you wherever you go. (Susan Cain)
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I think alone time is good to know how to be alone with your own thoughts. I think it just helps you kind of be a better, more grounded person … and also I feel like it builds a sense of self confidence and a sureness that you know that you can venture out into experiences without the crutch of other people. Like, you’re not doing it because you feel lonely or isolated, but because it generates a new kind of experience. (Carrie Brownstein)
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Alone had always felt like an actual place to me, as if it weren’t a state of being, but rather a room where I could retreat to be who I really was. (Cheryl Strayed)
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I have to be alone very often. I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel. (Audrey Hepburn)
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The precious part of my day is when I’m alone. When everybody goes home and (son) Sean’s asleep and I’m just watching the night lights out of my window or something. I like silence, you see. I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that it’s all right to be alone. (Yoko Ono)

Miss Independent

Proof that compliments are so important: when it comes to past compliments, I have IMMACULATE memory. Do you remember Bebo? The social-media site before Facebook and Myspace came to town? Well, I can still clearly remember my first boyfriend posting the lyrics to Ne-yo’s She Got Her Own on his Bebo profile for me. Looking back, I think he only liked that I had a job because it meant he didn’t have to pay for his bubble tea, but regardless of his intentions that gesture stuck with me.

Ten years later, I don’t always enjoy being Miss Independent but when I do, I love celebrating me.
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My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude. (Warsan Shire)
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Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with. (Sex and the City)
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How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. (Anais Nin)
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Discover why you’re important, then refuse to settle for anyone who doesn’t completely agree. (Fisher Amelie)image-91
When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings. (Elizabeth Gilbert)
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(Shout-out to Haifa, my beautiful 11 year old cousin for letting me read one of her many young-adult novels)
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I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.
(Warsan Shire)

The Idea of Him

They say not to confuse love with the ‘idea of love’. But the same people also say that if you don’t imagine, nothing ever happens at all. So I sit here in 12D sandwiched between a snoring ogre and an overweight grandfather whose beer belly is so big that it makes me unbutton my own trousers. I sit here and I bathe in the idea of you. Tall, kind and handsome. I have never cared for colour. You can be blue black or orange but you must be a sweet talker. Comforting. Intelligent. Creative and patient, with me, with us but also with yourself.

They say not to fall in love with that which someone can offer. YOU must be whole first. Well ain’t that utter horse shit? Show me someone who isn’t broken. Who isn’t keeping a secret. Anxious. Vulnerable. Trying. Scared. I sit here and I bathe in the idea of you. The you who holds me while I cry over a broken dish. A rude waiter. Rain.

They say in love to stay independent. To not lose yourself. I say both Shakespeare and Mr. Fitzgerald would scoff at that. I sit here and I bathe in the idea of completely losing ourselves in each other. Abandoning the old and morphing into the new – a sort of superhuman, if you will. Where listening to you talk gadgets becomes my favourite habit and where my kale smoothie trespasses leaping to the very top of your morning checklist and you gladly welcome it. Where your warmth and hunger become my daily concerns. And my happiness your life’s mission.

The plane begins its ascend. The ogre roars from his nostrils and the grandfather shuffles his stomach like a pregnant woman finding a comfortable position, and I progress my float to a steady swim.

We are in Spain. In a narrow alleyway. Drinking juice and sharing tapas. “And,” you say in excitement, “the iPhone 7 plus is water resistant!”

Do You Want To Hear Something Ridiculous?

Do you want to hear something ridiculous?

I am in love with a boy I have not even met.
I don’t know the feel of his touch
or the smell of his neck.
I don’t know the sound of his voice
or the swing of his walk.
I don’t know the heat of his skin
or the texture of his hair. 
And yet,
I have my heart set.

I arrange seashells in his name.
I pray for his wellbeing.
I sing him in the shower.
I whisper him in my sleep .
And on the days I pick wild berries,
we share them in my dreams.
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Chick Flicks On A Plane

Not snakes on a plane – much less frightening. Or corn flakes on a plane – much less delicious. Sorry! Don’t leave. I promise to get out of my head. OK, so I watched three chick flicks on the plane, on a plane and they were all well, a pretty nice way to spend a couple hours.

1. How To Be Single: the one with Rebel Wilson

2. 5 to 7: the one with the main dude from Like Crazy

3. Sisters: the one with Tina Fey and that blonde lady she does comedy with.

Aren’t I a great reviewer?

5 to 7 was my favorite. It got me listening to French music which for some reason I find overly romantic. Damn, I wish my life had some romance in it. Yeah yeah, it’ll happen when you least expect it. Whatever.



By The Way…

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By the way,
if you choose to wait until you’re READY
you’ll never be.
And, there’s always two sides to a thing.
1. She could interfere with your journey to self-discovery
(which FYI is never ending)
or 2. She could enrich it, enliven it
and full-blown cultivate
with heart plenty.
Though I guess
excuses
excuses are free.

Osaka Bound: Day Two

My dad is the very opposite of a Japanese person. He is loud, blithe, bouncy and obnoxious. On top of all that, he won’t stop making what he believes is a funny joke but what actually is, a highly inappropriate comment. God save me. And my mom, my mom keeps telling me mom-stuff like “slow down around the bends” and “always carry a cardigan.” They’re both annoying as hell but I couldn’t be happier.

Pics from top to bottom: a giraffe made entirely of lego at Lego Land, Osaka aquarium (on the schedule solely for my father because he loves fish), okonomiyaki for lunch which my parents told me they didn’t really like or didn’t like as much as ramen (no shit!) only after, and my favourite part of the day, shopping at Lucua. It was so nice to shop with my parents! For one year I’ve had no one to ask if jeans make my butt look big and guess what? Turns out they do tehehe.

Lastly dear follower, I want to share with you something unreal: I bumped into my Kiwi ex. In Osaka Station, in a city with a population of more than 3 million. And, during Sakura (cherry blossom) season when the peoples quadruply. What are the chances? It was fate. It must of been fate. For you know what I felt? I felt absolute and utter confirmation. That it ended for all the right reasons. That I am exactly where I need to be, that I did exactly what I needed. In the words of Rudy Francisco:

“Instead of asking
why they left,

now I ask,
what beauty will i create
in the space they no longer
occupy?”

The accuracy! I am so proud of myself and the beautiful life I live. John Green is right, “grief does not change you… It reveals you.” And in the words of Mary Maxwell:

“…under duress great things are born. Diamonds form in molten stone. The sweetest flowers of man’s spirit have most often been watered by tears. To struggle gives strength, to endure breeds a greater capacity for endurance. We must not run away from our heartbreaks in life; we must go through them, however fiery they may be, and bring with us out of the fire a stronger character, a deeper reliance on ourselves”.

I hope you too, can find the strength and courage to create beauty in place of life’s inevitable heartaches.image[3]image[4]imageimage[1]image[6]image[9]image[8]image[5]image[10]
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Social Media on Valentines Day

I wrote this exactly one year ago and not one person “liked” it. Yes, I do see the irony in that statement. Shush! New followers, let’s change that ;)
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By now, we are all aware of the destructive affects of social media: Facebook, Instagram and so on. We all know that our friends only post their happy moments; their crème de la crème times. We know this because we do the exact same. Looking at my own Facebook page, I recently posted a bathroom selfie in my interview dress, a picture of myself holding a “yay” sign at my sister’s wedding and a photo of my best friend and I on my Graduation Day. What I didn’t publicise to the internet world was completely blanking out when asked my first interview question or the horrific wardrobe malfunction I experienced with my Maid of Honor dress (let’s just say the fitting room lighting did a great job at hiding its see-throughness!) nor did I post about bursting into tears when I felt the entire world (weather, time, my own body etc) was acting against my expectations on graduation.

Valentines Day. During my past relationships, I posted pictures of my jumbo sized pooh bear, my actual-velvet box of chocolates, my dozen red roses and my V Day steak. What I didn’t post about was patently hinting for those specific gifts sometimes 2 months prior, the many pointless arguments in between the gifts (always sparked by mundane matters) and the awkward “how would you like to pay? separately or together” moments at the restaurant counter.

Only now, after residing in singleton/town for a some time have I began to understand the damaging potential of such archetypal, seemingly perfect V day posts on social media. The great Theodore Roosevelt’s advises us that, “comparison is the thief of joy”. This we’ve all heard and all know to be true yet still cannot help but do. In fact, I think it’s borderline impossible not to see our lives (and ourselves) as inferior compared to the individuals who’ve just received 100 red roses and/or a surprise getaway to Vanuatu. And even if deep down, we know that that (roses/Vanuatu) is not their complete reality, we cannot help but think so. We compare. I know I do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being cynical. I’m merely sharing my own personal thoughts. For if our significant other gifts/surprises us with or plans for us a (insert romantic gesture here) what is it that drives us to share this particular act with the internet world? We as a generation (myself included) place so much effort in publicising our seemingly flawless moments (not just on V day but undoubtedly, these posts are more prominent during this holiday) that it almost feels as if these precious occasions, these valuable affairs would lose their significance if they’re not “shared”. Put not so politely; how f’d up is that?

Which is why I’ve come to the realisation that it should really be the opposite, shouldn’t it? Maybe our rarest, most unique and intimate moments should be unpublished. Solely reserved to be shared (as in real life shared not FB shared) and treasured between us and our significant others. Isn’t that what makes such moments so special in the first place? I know what you’re thinking, that I’m picking on V day because I’m single and bitter and heck, that may very well be the case but… All I know is, Valentines Day is a couple week away and it wouldn’t hurt if we thought twice before hitting the ‘post’ button. Though there is an exception if I happen to meet my future lover in the next 12 days and he gifts me something awesome.