raw food

Eating For Two…

So I have a confession to make… I think it’s important you know…

Hehe did it work? Did you click the link thinking I was pregnant? Ha, well it’s pretty hard here without any human interaction. As much as I love Asian babies that isn’t my confession. Yet. I want to talk to you about food bloggers. I want to tell you that contrary to our beliefs, they don’t always eat everything they make. Like, all of the foodporn on their Instagram is often just that. After they’ve put a filter on it and shared it on the World Wide Web, they, like me, probably share it with their friends or only eat a quarter and pack the rest for later. Don’t be fooled y’all. Remember the old adage: “never trust a skinny chef.”
In other words, no one stays fit off sweet potato, medijool, cashew cream cake for dessert.
image[4]image[3]image[2]image[1]imageimage[5]image[6]

How to be a successful health-food blogger in 13 straightforward steps:

ebb6cd531ed13c04a31eb37337f374de.jpg

Step one: acquire one but preferably two appealing children (one of each gender is best). That, or an attractive man-friend (man-bunned hipster is preferred) or cute furry creature or both.

Step two: dress children and/or boo-thang in trendy attire.

Step three: promote over-priced actually-high-in-calorie-regardless-of-health-factor raw “bounty” bar/“Nutella” spread/ “caramel” “cheesecake” through them.

Step four: assemble cooked (or in this case, uncooked) food in a creative fashion: alongside inspirational typography, fresh flowers, loose ingredients (scattered nuts are popular), macbook, engraved spoons, patterned cloths, charming children and or shirtless and smiling (both important) man-thang.

Step five: capture food using expensive high-tech photography gadget

Step six: zoom in.

Step seven: put a filter on it

Step eight: add a pinch or two of common every-day middle-eastern ingredients to blatantly Western dishes to fancify them: saffron CHEESECAKE, turmeric ENGLISH MUFFINS. Pistachio SOUFFLE, pomegranate PORRIDGE etc.

Step nine: appropriate Asia while you’re at it: sushi, matcha, tofu and black rice are currently on trend.

Step ten: occasionally dine out at hipster restaurant and photograph your symmetrically placed order making sure your raybans are in frame.

Step eleven: frequent farmers’ markets making sure to capture the morning light as it gently caresses the purple carrots.

Step twelve: do yoga.

Step thirteen: last but not least, travel far and distant. For it is not the vegan cannellini bean stuffed sweet-potato in your kitchen but the vegan cannellini bean stuffed sweet-potato on a bamboo raft in the now-not-so-authentic tropical forests of Phuket that guarantees followers.