homesickness

I Miss You Everyday

879ab65ec7150af27901e12071eacd35
And what is the sweetness of
red bean paste
or the tang of wasabi?
What is the fun in slurping ramen
or over the top karaoke?
Why dress as a princess
walking ancient streets,
climbing castles,
sampling exotic eats?
What is the fun in shopping
in trying this and that
when you’re not here
to comment on my new hat?
To take good pictures
the ones that look pretty
trying over and over
until I don’t look like me.

I miss you here
I miss you everyday.

But you can come back anytime,
is what I know you’d say.

But it’s not that easy,
I’m trying to find my way…
And it might be up Mt. Fuji
or down a Spanish bay.

Currently Out Of Order

4302a56caab019941006277ea89b13d6.jpg
I learned some great lessons today. Mainly the importance of touch but also, gratitude, for the little things, which turn out to be the big things – something much has been said about and will undoubtedly continue to be talked and discussed, and love and how love is everything.

Long story short, I became very ill.Very quickly. I felt nauseous then vomited a lot (sorry), felt extremely weak and cold. My head hurt, my stomach hurt, I was dizzy and to top it all off, I started to panic. Panic and stress about what was happening to me but also where it was happening to me: rural japan, where I can’t speak the language, where the doctors terrify me and where I live alone, just me.

Next, I did two things. One, sent a simple message to my friend Yuko about having to cancel coffee and second, sleep. Or at least, made an attempt to sleep.

One hour later, the amount of time it takes me to drive to Yuko’s or from Yuko’s to me, I hear the doorbell ring. Ding dong! Here is Yuko, all flustered and worried (but still stunning, always stunning) with an armful of things. Water, fruit, cooked mixed rice and tofu amongst other things. We (her and her husband) are driving you to the hospital, come she says. Side note: Japan doesn’t have GPs, so everyone goes to “the hospital” for everything which on another note, has freaked me out plenty. Your daughter is in hospital?! WHY! You were in hospital this morning?! AH! Though in this case, I would have probably gone to a hospital anyhow seeing as it was Sunday and an emergency.

I was checked by the doctor, given a blood test (after four unsuccessful jabs to the hand and wrist) and hooked up to an IV for an hour. Now, I feel better. I have been given three days of rest but I cannot eat or even think about eating let alone cook/prepare it and blog about it. So my point in writing this post is this: that the entire time I lay on the hospital bed, staring at the ceiling with pain radiating through my entire existence, Yuko held my hand in hers. And rubbed my head and told me that everything was going to be okay. WOW how great it felt to be touched. In the midst of all the pain, the miscommunication and the homesickness, what I thought about was how lovely it was to have my hand in hers. Which brings me to the importance of touch. The great Leo Buscaglia once said, “too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around”. My life was turned around. Her touch gave me hope and serenity. Two powerful forces which allowed me to see, even amongst the difficulty, my life in all its love and blessings.

Next, I want to share a quote by Christopher Aiff, a quote I believe will be a good concluder for this speech:

“The decision to be positive is not one that disregards or belittles the sadness that exists. It is rather a conscious choice to focus on the good and to cultivate happiness–genuine happiness. Happiness is not a limited resource. And when we devote our energy and time to trivial matters, and choose to stress over things that ultimately are insignificant. From that point, we perpetuate our own sadness, and we lose sight of the things that really make us happy and rationalize our way out of doing amazing things.”

Which is how I can be happy. Happy alone – well, not really. Happy to be alive. Happy thinking of becoming healthy and happy for the adventure that awaits me post (and heck, during) sick leave. So dear reader, stay positive and TOUCH (me) hehe.

Brooklyn: a movie review

brooklyn

You know what? I’m gonna be 100% honest with you: Japan ain’t all kimonos and castles. In the same way that France ain’t all berets and croissants and Italy ain’t all sex and pizza. Okay, maybe Italy is all sex and pizza…But what I’m trying to say is, migrating to a new land, leaving your friends, family and everyday comforts behind to start afresh in a faraway foreign land is hard. So so so hard. And homesickness is inevitable and don’t tell me that it’s not and that “home is where the heart is” and all that jazz cos I feel this shit in my bones. Which is part of the reason why I found Brooklyn so relatable. But, you don’t have to have felt that specific homesickness, the one of living 10000 miles from home to get/like this film. In fact, I will go as far as to say that if you do not empathize, sympathize, identify, what have you, with the raw emotion and charm of this film, there is something wrong with you. Yes, I felt that strongly about it!

I found Brooklyn charming, romantic (accents, dancing), emotional, inspiring, thought-provoking (life decisions, priorities) and last but not least, funny (Italian kid Italian kid).

Lastly, I want to mention “the look”. Eilis’s look back, just before setting foot in America (image below) is SO darn beautiful that I would happily watch Brooklyn for days straight just to see her green eyes sparkle once more.
look.png
Oh, and the last scene. The last scene and the last quote.  Oh goodness, I am smitten, bad. Or perhaps, like Eilis I just yearn for an Italian man to fill the dark void that’s materialized in me since leaving home (tehehe). Calm down, I mean FIGURATIVELY…

Here’s that last quote:
“And one day the sun will come out and you might not even notice straight away it’ll be that faint and then you’ll catch yourself thinking about something or someone who has no connection with the past. Someone who is only yours and you’ll realise that this is where your life is.”

5/5