Honesty Is Such A Lonely Word

Until right now, only my immediate family has known this. Because I live super rural with no cafes, restaurants or humans around, I usually have nothing to do in the week-day evenings. As in, really nothing. When it isn’t raining I can go for a bike ride but after the sun sets about 7pm it becomes too dangerous to stay outside (bears).

Also, using my computer isn’t  much fun. This is because I’ve been on the damn thing and on my ass all day long. Don’t get me wrong, I do teach (sometimes) but it’s usually 2-3 classes which are only about 45 minutes long. Leaving me a good 6 hours of Facebook time. Joking, I mean research. Educational stuff. As for Japanese TV, I don’t understand it much. Also, it’s really weird (to me).

So back to the thing you don’t know and my parents do, for the past 7 or so months, I have been going to bed at 8.30 and waking up at 5. This has been my mechanism to stop myself from getting even more homesick during the lonely and quiet nights. As for the mornings, I always go for an hour or two walk or bike ride which is where I take these naturey photographs.

So, there you have it. From one direction, it is definitely a somewhat lonely life (though sometimes I do get invited to stuff) but from the other, a direction I’ve chosen to peep from, I am living the life. I mean, when else can I have a Persian-style breakfast for dinner at 5pm and wake up at 5am, blending a green-smoothie on super loud? Totes not when future hubby or future babas come around. Am I right? Or am I insane?
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29 comments

  2. HI anisa! this post is so refreshing. Being awake while everyone else is asleep allows much more room for discovery, seeing things before they’re disturbed later in the day :) i am currently working on self love and reading your posts is always super inspirational, thank you! soo happy i discovered your blog.
    ps japanese tv is super strangely hilarious! haha

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  3. That’s true. I can imagine you must be really bored, but from the other side – two kids under five, plus house, plus part-time writing work – I would love to be all alone for awhile, reading a whole newspaper, reading a whole book, having a whole thought. But I hated being all alone when i was English teaching too

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comment. Also, thank you for your understanding! I guess we always want what we don’t have.. but you know, I would love to read a whole newspaper or a whole book on a couch in an actual home with someone else (a quiet someone else) near by or sitting on the opposite couch or quietly chopping vegetables or a cat sleeping by my feet or the sound of children outside. Anything but this dead town.

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    1. Yes, sorry Anthony. I do enjoy your posts! And I think of you! Just I don’t like spending more time on the computer than I already have to for my teaching job, my Savvy Tokyo job and my blog. I would love face to face human interaction which I’m hoping I’ll have soon :)

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  5. I love your perspective on your situation, and I really love the photos of you riding your bike, and the different things in your basket- I think that has great potential to be a really compelling photo series.

    All things, good and bad, pass eventually- savor the loneliness and the happiness that you can find in that loneliness, because when your situation changes I’m willing to bet you’ll be nostalgic for this time.

    Keep writing!

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  6. I understand what it’s like to feel extremely lonely and lost, but really trust in yourself and try to explore something that you’ve been overlooking in your life. You may find that you’ll have a new perspective on it. <3

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  7. Your photos and posts sincerely do bring happiness to us, your followers, which I hope is some consolation. Being stationed in a rural setting in a very different and isolated cultural milieu for an extended time would be challenging for anyone. Because you explore and share so much of your Japanese, and other, experiences – experiences which most of us will never encounter for ourselves – we are grateful to be along for the ride.

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  9. You are a great lady. You make the most of where you are. You are not someone who wastes their life like so many people I know. You make something of it, and, in due time, you will do something great. A good man will look and see what you do and say, “I want that woman.” I just hope that the man is not a deadbeat. The truth: you are a treasure.

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  14. Sensei, you are not alone. I was nineteen when I felt alone in Minnesota, many years ago.
    Even when we feel alone we really are not. ❤️

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